laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
