I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
