If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
