Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
