woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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