We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
