I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
