I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
