i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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