They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
