So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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