I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize