The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
