things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was CRYING into my vagina
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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