I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
