I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
