I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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