We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
