Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
