I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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