what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
