You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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