Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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