You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm always down for nudity.
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