I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
