oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
