Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
