I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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