Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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