Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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