Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
