is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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