even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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