I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
