My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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