please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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