Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
