You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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