oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
