Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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