If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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