So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
