allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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