I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I came so hard my ears popped.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
