He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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