ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
