Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
