dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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