It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
