i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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