So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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