we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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