Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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