No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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