So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
