your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
