It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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