I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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