Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
