So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
