You can't special order awesome
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
