I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
