A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
