he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
