last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize