I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
