Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
