Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
