Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
